The Nechoma Greisman Anthology

Section 4: THE JEWISH HOME When we do something for the physical well-being of others, it becomes a spiritual deed

Things I Have Learned in my Dozen Years of Marriage and Motherhood

Managing a busy household is a full-time profession that requires much ingenuity, creativity, and organization, and a definite set of habits and "hashkofos" which can't be acquired overnight. However, it is a big mistake to blame difficulties you may have on the fact that you weren't taught organization and efficiency when you were young. You can learn the necessary skills at any age. The rewards of an efficiently run home are immense. All that's required is determination and a strong will. Remember, "A person is led along the path he wants to travel on."

Work Tips

1. Get as much help as you can! The physical work required in running a household can be overwhelming and, Baruch Hashem, keeps on growing. But help is 100% necessary in the building of a "miniature Beis HaMikdash." Get as many labor-saving machines as you can afford; a large dryer (gas is best) and a dishwasher can help a lot. Hire help once or twice a week. If you have small children and are overtired, hire a girl to take them to the park in the afternoon, and perhaps feed them an easy-to-make dinner while they're out (weather permitting). If you're behind on mending, hire someone every couple of weeks to help. When my twins were home, and I was an extremely overworked mother, I hired a high-school girl on Thursday evenings to peel and check all the vegetables for Shabbos. During my last pregnancy, I hired a girl for one hour every night to sweep the floors, wash all the dishes and fold laundry. It made a world of difference. True, help costs money, but one has to get one's priorities into perspective. You might want to consider borrowing money or asking family members for help.

   Our responsibility is not only to bear the children, but also to raise them, keep them healthy and clean, and at the same time not to forget about their father as well! We must remember that Hashem is the third Partner in creating man, and we must communicate with Him constantly and ask Him for help to be able to afford those things which will make our job easier and thus make us happier and calmer. We must also ask Him to help us get through those tough times when we don't have the help we would like!

2. Distinguish between order and cleanliness. On a daily basis, see yourself as the "Executive Maintenance Woman." In order to create a pleasant atmosphere in your home, and for your own mental health and peace of mind, insist that there be order in your home. Everything must have a "right place" and it is your job to decide where that place is. Train all household members to put away whatever they have used in the "right place," and to do so before taking out any other items. After the morning rush make a check-up of your house. Are beds made? Are dirty clothes in hamper? Is clean laundry put away? Are kitchen and dining-room tables cleared? etc., etc. In a short time, you will have a feeling of orderliness and you can start your day.

   Top-to-bottom cleaning is something you don't have to do every day. But you absolutely have to make seder! At night, before bed, make the rounds again. Prepare children's clothes for the next day, put dirty clothes in the hamper, clear kitchen and dining room tables and kitchen counters, put away clean laundry, wash dishes. I admit that these habits are not easy to adopt if you are not orderly by nature, but they are a must for a smoothly running household. Try it for one month and see the difference.

3. C.A.Y.G. I recently discovered a valuable formula! Clean As You Go. Don't start another project before cleaning up the last one. So simple, but so important. It used to be that with an hour to go before Shabbos, I was left with a mountain of dirty pots and kitchen utensils, and I spent the entire time, up to a few minutes before Shabbos, washing and scrubbing! Now, Baruch Hashem, I wash dirty dishes as I finish using them, and I put them away periodically. It's easier, there's less clutter and I can greet the Shabbos Queen without drainers piled high with wet dishes.
4. Make Lists! There's so much that we have to remember and do! No wonder our heads are spinning, and we sometimes feel like we are drowning, chas v'shalom. I was always fascinated at the power of list-making to organize my mind and keep me from forgetting all the things I had to do. I am hooked on lists: Pasted on the inside of a kitchen cabinet are a grocery checklist with a basic list of "every day" groceries, an Erev Shabbos shopping checklist, a running general shopping list for the big stores. My children made a sweet illustrated list of all the things that have to be brought to the Shabbos table, so they don't forget anything when they set the table. I have a note pad with a separate page for different stores (stationery, housewares, hardware) plus a separate page for each child. Whenever I see I need something it gets written down on the right page, and when my "out day" arrives, I'm prepared to make the most of it.

The pleasure of list-making is the satisfaction you feel in crossing off the items once you've done them and watching the day progress purposefully. Actually, my list for today says that I need to write home. So I'd better get going on that now!