The Nechoma Greisman Anthology

Section 9: NECHOMA AS OTHERS SAW HER An outstretched hand in the fog of confusion

An Outstretched Hand

I will never forget that first telephone call, last October. As a newly arrived immigrant in Yerushalayim, I felt very disoriented. My husband and I had just moved into a new apartment, and our belongings had not yet arrived from England. My husband had already started learning at his Kollel, but, as yet, I did not have a job, and I felt very much alone. Someone suggested I should call Nechoma Greisman to find out about shiurim and other activities in English, and when I did so, I suddenly found I had a friend. Without even having seen me before she invited my husband and myself for a Shabbos meal. Nechoma was one of the first people to invite us, and we gratefully accepted her offer.

Over the next four and a half months, Nechoma was my friend at the other end of a telephone. Her patience and calm understanding of everything I was going through, was what helped me through those bewildering and challenging first few months, which every new immigrant has to face when starting out in this country. Nechoma's common sense and sympathy were like an outstretched hand in the fog of confusion. Whatever questions I had, however seemingly insignificant, I knew I could ask her. Even if I were just feeling lonely, or in need of a friendly chat, I could call her, and however busy she was, Nechoma always had time for me.

Four and half months passed, and I became much more settled, and made many friends. I could see that Nechoma was becoming busier and busier, and I decided that I should back off until after her baby was born. Although to Nechoma nobody was ever a burden, and she turned no-one away, I felt that she had enough to do without me calling her so often. So, at this point, I only called her once in a while. Then I heard the tragic news of her passing, and I felt as if my world had been thrown into chaos.

To me, Nechoma Greisman was Yerushalayim, and there was no such thing as Yerushalayim without her. I will never forget the trance-like depression into which I fell during the ensuing few days. Every house I passed, every paving stone upon which I trod, seemed to be grieving for her. Yerushalayim became empty and desolate for me. I felt as if I had lost my best friend. However, Nechoma herself would not have wanted me to react in this way. She believed very much in the Baal Shem Tov's teaching that nothing in life is a coincidence. Whatever happens is for a reason. Hashem wants us to try to find the lesson to be derived from each experience. This applies to everything in our lives. It is not a Chassidic tradition to lament someone's passing, but rather to learn from what they achieved in their lifetime. And from Nechoma, we can learn so much.

As a shluchah of the Rebbe Shlita, as a wife, mother, teacher, writer, outreach worker, or friend, all roles were perfectly coordinated, and were carried out with absolute efficiency. In her position with all her activities, it would have been very easy for her to neglect her family. This is often a problem with communal workers. Yet Nechoma is remembered by all as putting her husband and children first. Telephone conversations were always full of interruptions; if a child came to her with a question, he had to be answered. The child came first. Nechoma is remembered as a very loving mother. Significantly, she had always wanted a minyan of children, and in fact her life was taken only a few hours after she fulfilled that very aim. Every child was loved, and was special.

A friend of hers recalled that on the Tenth of Shevat, the Yahrzeit of the Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, she was at Nechoma's house, helping her cook. One of Nechoma's children had a book, and another child took it away from him. The first child started to get very upset. How did Nechoma deal with the situation? She told the second child: "I'm sure the Frierdiker [Previous] Rebbe would be very happy if you returned that book to your brother." There was no mussar lecture, no shouting at the children, just Nechoma's gentle firmness, patience and deep perception of human nature.

All these qualities were extended to those who knew her. Literally hundreds of women had a connection with her, yet she regarded none of them as mere statistics. She took an interest in every single one of them and made each one feel, as I did, as if she were her special friend. Of all Nechoma's many fine qualities, this one struck me the most. How many others who work with people, such as outreach workers, doctors, or social workers, can make such a claim? Nechoma not only listened to all of us, but she cared, and being a very practical person, her down-to-earth advice proved to be most useful. Somehow, she effectively managed to fit all of our needs in with the needs of her children. Moreover, it is said by our Sages that the good deeds of a Tzaddik are counted as his children. In fact, if it were in any way possible to count up all her good deeds, maybe we could say Nechoma was the mother of millions. However, despite all her outstanding achievements, Nechoma possessed true humility. Although she realized her capabilities, she was fully aware of Who gave them to her, and channeled them into a total service of Hashem as guided by the Lubavitcher Rebbe Shlita.

Her humility, apart from being part of her good character, also lay in the fact that she was the perfect example of a true Chassid... Nechoma Greisman was the truest example of a Chassid I have ever met... and her humility was legendary. This was how each person became so special to her. Because to Nechoma, each Jewish soul was precious. She was very sensitive to other people because she never considered anyone to be below her. In fact, this ideal was what was behind all of her other admirable qualities. Her humility made her gentle and sensitive to all our needs... She lived every single moment to fulfill Hashem's Will. Not a single second was wasted. Even when she was occupied with the mundane, she was still using that time for other people. Many friends remember having crucial discussions with her while she was doing household tasks, such as ironing or folding laundry.

Nechoma's confidence and encouragement are still with me. Whenever I feel that something else is slotting into place, whenever I have any sense of achievement, I can almost hear Nechoma encouraging and supporting me. Nechoma's teachings live on. In this way, for me, Nechoma Greisman will live forever.

Nechoma Greisman fulfilled in her 39 years far more than many others could in 99. Many people have asked -- "Why would Hashem take someone so perfect out of the world, and at such a young age?" Perhaps we could say that Nechoma was on loan to us for 39 years... Perhaps, as one of the righteous women of this generation, she has been appointed by the Heavenly Court to fulfill another shlichus. She is now standing before Hashem, appealing to Him on behalf of all of us to hasten the coming of Mashiach.